true story
i posted earlier about ryan higgins and “his” mind movies, and may post on that again, as the story has unfolded a bit since then. today, however, i’m writing about the back story, which is a perfect example of how not to treat difficult people. you know, people who don’t agree with you. now in this case, it’s a customer relations story, and you can easily see how it really applies to everyone in your life…friends, family, co-workers, actual and potential customers, etc.
so the first volley in that situation involved a certain entity known to the world as masters of the secret or life without limits. being on their mailing list (another story), i received their notice about ryan’s “amazing discovery” and promptly zapped them back, expressing my disappointment that they were promoting someone who was essentially a fraud and a thief, admittedly with a bit of “you fools” in my tone.
admission of guilt
so there we go. i was the difficult person. the disagreeable one. that’s how i got this amazing insight into what not to do, and the consequent insight into what just might be a better way to handle things. because of course people can be obnoxious. and being fragile humans we might like to wring their necks and kick them in the ass. and that might not (always) be the best thing to do.
what happened next could lead to lot’s more typing, and here is part of the point: you never know how big a mouth the person who is pissing you off actually has. and in this day and age, it’s not too difficult to be heard all around the schoolyard and 500 other schoolyards all around the world. so even though you are looking at them like they are a particularly annoying chicken and you haven’t had dinner yet, it might be a good idea to see if there is anything to their blabber.
the tar baby
the short version, since the long version is a story for another day, is that i got bombarded. one snide email after another. i felt like i had taken a punch at a tar baby and i just couldn’t get free. no matter how i tried to get out of the thing they came at me with both barrels…and refused to look at my original complaint! that action, and the accompanying attitude of superiority and snideness, led me to post my original hack on ryan’s rip-off of malcolm cohan.
could things have turned out differently? of course. i could have been heard. acknowledged. honored. and i would have chilled out fast. what’s so difficult about someone saying “you’re right”? even when someone strikes you as negative, obnoxious, and inflammatory, seeing it from their perspective gives you an opportunity to learn something new, to broaden your perspective, and to convert a difficult person into a happy person with a wallet in their hand.
remember that we aren’t just talking customers here, we’re talking about anyone and everyone who expresses unhappiness with us at any time or place. so it might not be a wallet in their hand. it might just be a bad scene converted into a wonderful time. so let’s run through that conversation process.
the taming
- weigh the potential losses…and the gains…short term as well as long. there is the obvious stuff, like a bad night, or the damage or loss of a relationship. and there is the less obvious stuff, like the other person is feeling crazy (think fatal attraction) or righteous. and don’t forget the gains, like they dig your vulnerability and become your biggest fan!
- acknowledge their upset and honestly let them know that you can see why they are upset. this of course requires you to dig in a bit and empathize with them. not always easy. sorry about that.
- ask what you can do, or make an offer. for example, the “masters of the secret” could have offered to look into the situation, and see if my allegations about ryan had any truth to them, and they could have offered to post whatever it was that they discovered.
winners lose
so i lost my argument with the masters of the secret. hit my limit as it were. quit. and they lost a customer. a subscriber. someone who likes to see his friends succeed. and gained, well, if not a bunny boiler, a fair amount of bad press.
reiteration: this applies to lots more than customers. this also applies to people who are much more valuable than the odd customer. children, spouses, significant others, parents, co-workers, business partners. anyone on that list challenge you off lately? what was your response? who won? who lost? let’s talk!
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