monday morning motivator! 20, it’s what’s inside that counts

 

two things at the same time

okay then. yeah. here we go. two things at the same time. interesting to notice that when i built up my dream calendar there were not a lot of similarities with my current calendar. very different. and the biggest thing is that it has a lot of white space on it. 

is this because i have no imagination? because i don’t want to be doing anything? because i am craving spontanaety? huh. well that’s all good stuff to look at, along with what i’m doing with my calendar right now that most of it doesn’t make the cut!

inspired by thegirlpie

and then the second thing comes from looking back at the email from thegirlpie that inspired my friday update, which was inspired by a request i made in the previous friday’s update:

“Write for me today. Write from your heart and your gut – lines that you do not edit, you do not proof, you do not go back over and rethink and struggle with and fuss about — this is not an essay. This is not nuclear code.  They call it a blog post or an email reply or a forum thread or a phone call or a letter in ink and longhand…

 Whatever you call it, this is a letter to me, your reader, answering my question: “what’s on your mind today?”

 Tell me.  Don’t report, don’t essay, don’t research or impress or try. 

Just answer. Short and sweet.

Thanks.

so now i am looking at how i use this brain of mine

to create distance–

• between myself and people, 
• between myself and experience, 
• between myself and sensation, emotion, expression.

now of course with the dream calendar, and with why don’t we do what we say we want to do, and the massive display of self doubt that was friday’s update, it seems that there was a theme at work last week relating to what is and what i would like for there to be–and as i look into it, it seems that it’s pretty standard to look outside and see that there are things in my life that i don’t want, and there are things not in my life that i do want. and then of course if i dig a little deeper it’s always that something inside is amiss, and the outside is just a reflection of this.

working with the loa

this of course is pretty much standard operating procedure, and it is also one of those things about the law of attraction (which phrase i actually don’t really like, except that the acronym is loa, which as pretty groovy) that pretty much everyone misses, the total idiots as well as the relatively bright:

it’s what’s inside that counts, because what’s inside is what’s actually real to me, it’s me. and because it’s what’s inside that ultimately determines what’s outside–and also how i will ultimately see and feel about what’s outside.

this is the thing that i’m always pretty flabbergasted to see the bright bulbs missing when they launch a diatribe against the loa. it’s especially funny to watch as these same eggheads then go on to point out that action follows thought, and if you want to change behavior you have to act at the level of thought or you are just pissing in the wind.

well obviously, or not i guess, that is just loa. as we think so shall we live. as we sow, so shall we reap. so everyone, the naively optimistic as well as the naively pessimistic, seems to be missing this simple notion in their (positive and negative) fascination with riches and wealth--it’s what’s inside that counts–and that is the side of the loa equation that really counts…the inside

loa = (inside = outside)

it’s what’s inside that counts

some greek guy said it thousands of years ago–as above, so below; the large is in the small. simple fractal theory. and simple loa just phrased another way. thoughts become things and what sort of thoughts are we having? and deeper than thought?

well, that’s what’s on my mind right now. deeper than thought–the longing in the heart, the whisper of the heart. yes. be still my beating heart, you’ll wake up the house! yes!

what is in the heart that doesn’t come to fruition?
what’s the disconnect that allows for this longing?
hmmm. well. there is the–well it’s like a safe–
what?
what is this thing?
this child in the attic?
this safe without a key?
what is the secret for bringing forth the passion to do what is in our hearts?
what holds us back?

why do most people get up every day

and drag their sorry asses off to work that is killing them? why can’t we figure out an economy that makes people happy?

yeah. well. no big answers here. just questions. wonderment. just an acknowledgment of this disconnect. just a noticement of how prevalent this thing is.

my god! the mass of ink and electrons spilled onto books and screens around the world as people vainly quest for some project, blog post, therapy, program–some desperate reach outward to heal and calm and soothe this savage wish for peace and connection, which can only be soothed and calmed by being present, truly present, without distraction, to our wish for things to be different.

what is that wish?
why is there this need for change?
what would we have different and why after however many years of living free are we still not satisfied?
what is this quest?

so. sitting with it.

sitting with it. sitting with it. no brainy theories. no solutions. no lists or bullet points. just sitting with it. letting it be. noticing the seamless identicality between my inner life and my outer world. just being with it and noticing how it is. 

yeah. that’s the thing this week. just being with it. not in marathon sitting sessions, hour long meditations, fancy machinery to take me into optimal brain states: just being in my life as i live it. in my moment to moment existence being present in my heart and my mind with my movement through life, moment to moment.

allowing it all. satisfaction. dissatisfaction. love. hate. hunger. satiety. just being present to all of it. embrace. escape. nothing held back from view, from feeling. nothing forbidden, everything permitted.

and if the writing stops in the middle of a page… if the eating stops in the middle of a plate… if the conversation stops in the middle of a phrase…then so be it. feel it. yeah.

see feel touch thrill

how does the phrase go? see me, feel me, touch me, thrill me! yeah. it always comes back to tommy, doesn’t it?

okay then. what’s on your mind as you begin another week? what’s in your heart? what are your wishes and dreams? can you experience the congruency between your inner life and your outer life? how the one creates the other? and the dance between the two? i’d love to hear your stories!

pax.

or is that pacts?