monday morning motivator!: 15, becoming the decider

 

taking on the mantle of the decider

looking at healing from multiple angles in order to create a 360° spherical sense of healthy happy motivated self (and no, i don’t feel the need to be happy all the time…heading in that general direction is fine with me!) has kept me on my toes all year. not that i haven’t had other things to keep me on my toes as well, and most of those are a story for another day, still yet this has certainly been an eye, ear, and mind opening experience.

one thing i have noticed about the weekly themes i’ve been working with is that they all offer up the opportunity to take on the mantle of the decider, and theoretically, it’s a one in three chance that i’ll take that on.

one in three

for example, say i am working with the theme of increasing leafy green vegetables in my diet, and say i’m looking at the possibility of drinking a raw green smoothie every day for a week. as i play around with this idea, there are three basic approaches i can take in making the decision to do this, or not. assuming i’m voting yes!, then this would be because:

• i need to drink a raw green smoothie every day this week
• i should drink a raw green smoothie this week
• i want to drink a raw green smoothie this week

take out the redundancies, and we are left with:

• need
• should
• want

so let’s have a closer look, eh?

need is based on primal authority

leaving aside all arguments as to the accuracy of a perception of need, the biggest thing i’m seeing here is that need is based on primal authority. there isn’t any decision to be made. this thing is necessary. i need it. if i deny myself i’m a fool or worse. if you deny me then you are an asshole. i need this, man.

so then, once something is classified as a need, i have pretty much abdicated choice in the matter. just as i wouldn’t deny myself food, air, water, or shelter, i can’t deny myself a raw green smoothie every day this week. i need it. my life will suck without it. my health will fail. my hair will fall out. i will remain the fat pathetic loser that i am forever and ever unless i throw apples and kale in a blender and make it happen!

as such, then, this interpretation of need has stripped me of my own ability to choose, to decide. it is already decided. it’s a no-brainer. do or die! something in the invisible realm has taken on the role of decider.

should is based on outer authority

now if i should drink a raw green smoothie, i’m out of the decision loop as well. some outer authority has made my decision for me. an author or a speaker, a book or a blog post, a conversation with a stranger or a friend, something has informed me that i should be drinking a raw green smoothie every day during the coming week. and there will probably be consequences if i don’t obey. the consequences may be the same as those i would face if i ignore my need. or they may be more severe than that.

i may find myself paying a fine to the raw green smoothie authority, or spending time in the raw green smoothie court, or the raw green smoothie jail. worse, i may be subject to all three and then find myself force fed raw green smoothies every day for a week, by some sort of raw green smoothie big nurse ratched!

whatever transpires, whenever i do something because i should, an outer authority has taken over the role of decider.

want is based on my own authority

and then comes the opportunity to ascend to the realm of decider, to wrest free of the realms of primal and outer authority, the invisible deciders and the all-too-physical deciders who attempt to insert themselves into our every waking moment, and take on that thing that is our birthright; freedom of choice, the power to move from our own space of desire.

when i drink a raw green smoothie every day this week because i want to, i have not only taken on the realm of being my own decider, i have struck a blow against tyranny and taken my rightful place in the world as a free being. something as simple as choosing because i want to has become a tool of liberation. and out of these small decisions the character of my life is determined.

i am not a number…

1. am i a victim of my upbringing, my dna, the primal invisible world of nature as paternal ruling god?
2. am i a victim of the zeitgeist, the media, the laws and customs of the land i live in?
3. or am i, as patrick mcgoohan so defiantly claimed in the opening scene of the prisoner, a free man, free to want, free to choose, free to decide for myself what i will and will not do?

nobody’s perfect

that’s a lie, of course. we are all perfect. and yet…i fully expect to act out of need and should this week. and as much as possible, i will remember to act from want, to be the decider. as jimi hendrix said so many years ago:

i’m the one that has to die when it’s time for me to die, so let me live my life the way i want to.

and no one gets in the way of that more than i do. and this week that is my theme!