goodbye bni

  

 

photo by kevin dooley

fork in the road

after 9 months of waking up (almost) every tuesday morning at 5 am in order to do my mp’s and take my heart med before showering and rushing out the door in order to take the drive to temple sinai in brookline, 9 months in which i learned all the short cuts into and out of coolidge corner, shaving what was a t first a 25 minute slog into a 15 minute cruise, today i am bidding my adieu to bni international, and specifically the bni brookline networkers.

i figure 9 months is a pretty good amount of time to apply oneself to a project, to push the stone up the hill as it were, and, well, push came to shove and i’m done with that. and not without a few observation, of course. what else would i be doing at starbucks this time of day if not making and writing observations? all of which, ultimately, are about myself.

joseph conrad

i’m reminded of that bit in dreams from my father when young barack says that he is reading a heart of darkness to get into the heart of joseph conrad, in order to understand the heart of racism, because, after all, no matter what an author may think they are writing about, it is always a word dance around their own heart.

okay, i just made up that part about the word dance, and still yet. what else can we write about except our own observations and ideas, which are ultimately just a mirror of our own experience of being ourselves. and before this slips into contemporary american tantric yoga philosophy, let’s get back to the subject at hand, shall we?

forage vs gardening

so for a lot of the folks at my bni group, each tuesday they are walking into a lush garden, full of low hanging fruit, surrounded by friends and associates who support them, refer to them, and get what they are doing. it’s a no-brainer. this is a place to be, a garden to visit, tend, water.

and for other folks, like myself and a few former members, it turns out to be more of a foraging thing. no fruit, no referrals, and no one who really gets it. no problem there. i’m fine with the world as it is, memories of the garden notwithstanding. i’ve got a garden. it’s great. and sometimes it’s good to forage, to check something out, visit on a regular basis, make the connections that are there to be made, and then move on to greener, or more appropriate, pastures.

what i found there

so in my time of leaving i look back, as i’ve done quite a bit in the last month while chewing on this thing, to see what i have gained from this experience.

• i now have a trusted small business attorney
• i have an accountant, whom i will definitely need for next year’s taxes
• i have a bodywork exchange partner
• i’ve connected with some good folks for batting ideas around
• i’ve had a lot of fun filled early mornings
• i became an early riser!

i’ve also made connections and established trust with a great group of folks in a variety of professions that i may find myself in need of someday…much better than grabbing a phone book in a time of need!

and on top of all of that, i made some discoveries about structure and networking.

what was lacking

so a couple of the things that really got in the way of making the bni thing a totally stellar experience for me:

1. the seat thing
2. the time factor thing

and just taking those one at a time:

the seat thing

at bni, the group is composed of people sitting in seats. everything is structured around the seats. the seat if your professional designation. one person per seat, and one seat per person. not a good arrangement for a guy like me, who likes a variety of sitting arrangements:

• table and chair
• sofa couch
• settee
• love seat
• breakfast nook
• pillow on the floor
• arm chair
• etc.

on a practical level, the limitations for me began to play out this way:

• no one who does what i do = no one who really gets me
• i am not a seat, i’m a free man! why can’t i talk about what i really do? why only a fraction?

all of this, as i see it, is about creating an environment free of competition. even though that’s not true on an old-school level, as there is just hidden competition. and even though competition, as it were, is good, in more ways than i can get into here in this post. let’s just say this:

i get more good ideas and referrals from people who are sitting near me, than from people who are sitting on the other side of the room. they understand me. they speak my language. they share my struggles. and my joys.

and ultimately, the business i’m in is the business of being me. it’s not about my seat at all!

the time factor thing

• 45 seconds a week to remind people that you are alive
• 8 minutes 2 or 3 times a year to try to flesh yourself out

so…for me…i’d rather stand up and say hello! it’s me! still me!

and then sit down. 5 seconds. 10 seconds tops. and then sit in a group of people who might be a little bit interested and shoot the breeze, go off on tangents, make some real connection, get some good back and forth going. sit back and listen, interrupt, get interrupted. offer someone my brilliant idea. vice versa.

where i ought to be

so there we go. i ought to be hanging out with people who 

1. do what i do, or something like it
2. share my interest in culture, life, the universe, etc

and it ought to be more of a kaleidoscope, less structured, or at least maybe structured more like a solar system, or a galaxy, or a seashore, or a forest. or a goddamned colony of monkeys perhaps.

quitter!

so there we go. i’m a quitter. and just like i got what i needed to get and learned what i needed to learn from my 14 years as a cigarette smoker (which is a post in the making i’m sure), i’ve now done the same with bni. 

i like being a quitter. makes it easier to get into something new. just like now. time to quit this post. cheers!